What makes difficult conversations so... difficult?
Recently, a few organisational clients have been in situations where it’s becoming important to refresh skills in initiating difficult conversations.
Some are working like crazy while one or two of their staff members are tired and complaining – and not pulling their weight. It seems these staff members are just in the wrong job.
Other clients are caught up in mergers between two large institutions – so they are negotiating new ways of doing things with other teams from completely different organisational cultures – so there are difficult conversations to be had about clarifying expectations and what is most important.
Still other clients are caught up in NDIS funding changes, which change everything, including staffing requirements and business models. In these circumstances, there are lots of different and difficult conversations about change to be had.
There is a fourth emerging context, too—more managers I am talking with are discussing how their staff are exhausted! And so are they. This seems like a systemic issue that, if it is to be resolved, will demand teams negotiate the ‘letting go’ of some work. We can’t keep adding more and more layers of work—we must let something go at some point. That sounds like a potentially difficult conversation in an upward direction.
Within the context of my leadership development work today, I now understand that difficult conversations are difficult because they are adaptive conversations. They demand that we:
Accept how we are likely to be fuelling the very issues we are concerned about (perhaps tolerating a particular bad behaviour for too long).
Take responsibility for the role we are paid to fulfil.
Attempt to help the other person take responsibility and change what they are doing.
Follow through until we come to a resolution.
I’ve also learned a lot about difficult conversations from my executive coaching over the past 25 years. I initiated these conversations with some clients and helped others prepare for conversations that they needed to initiate.
Next month, I am hosting a compact and practical online Difficult Conversations Masterclass, designed to build confidence in preparing for, initiating, and engaging in difficult conversations. Click the button below to find out more and register. I'd love to see you there.